nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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