put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
