my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
