I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
