Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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