Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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