oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
