He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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