finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize