The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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