just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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