i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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