worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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