Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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