So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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