Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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