I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
