where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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