Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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