Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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