WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
