Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
