Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
