Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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