Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
