it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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