Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
