i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
