Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
