I want you more than these girls want KFC
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
