tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize