not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
