Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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