Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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