dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we're making bets on your personal life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Im part way to drunk.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
