do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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