i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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