i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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