He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
