I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
