Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
