Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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