my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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