How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
