worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
