My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Less talking, more tequila
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
