sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
