By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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