my phone needs a breathalizer
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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