apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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