If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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