in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
