I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I licked your asshole in confidence.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
