Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize