I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
