And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize