I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
