It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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