apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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