I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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