There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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