i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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