I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
