just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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