How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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