Your dad touched me again.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
